Unaccustomed me-time! Two hours to stroll through the emporiums of bling, maybe stop for a coffee, buy a little treasure somewhere along the way. Sounds nice?
The sun is shining, the summer sales are on: Life is good.
So what I do actually need? In truth, not a lot.
Things are, however, a bit grim on the underwear front. I locate the nearest M&S and head straight for the undies dept. There is a spring in my step. I feel like a six-year-old in a candy shop. I want everything…….
A whole lot of other ladies, whose underwear drawers must be in a similarly depleted state to my own, are already hard at work. Together we embark on a frenzied raid of the sale rails.
Some time later, the underwear has been selected and its time for coffee. I order a cappuccino which comes in a bucket sized mug. These days, I mostly drink herbal teas, so am not prepared for the scale of the caffeine rush. Pumped up with adrenalin, I hit the shop floor some twenty minutes later. Ready to go again.
This time, I wander into the kids department, which is swarming with people. Deep breath as I remind myself how much fun I am having!
A blond lady is perusing the PJ’s with her affable pre-teen daughter.
‘Darling,’ she says, ‘We must buy this! (holds up floral print pj’s) Even though they are too small for you, they are just soo…. pretty!’ The pre-teen emits girlish squeals of joy.
Maybe I should buy some for my teenage daughter? However, I really can’t buy pj’s for Jude without getting some for Iarla. But would he like stars or dinosaurs? Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should also buy some for my friend’s little girls. After all, I’ve had it on good authority that:
- They are pretty
- They are half price
- Children like them
Twenty minutes later, I have selected four pairs of pj’s. My arms are overflowing with treasures, my heart with beneficence.
SMALL REALITY CHECK.
How much are all these bargains going to cost? I do some quick mental arithmetic and realise that I must put something back. But what? Who can I leave out? Actually I can’t leave anyone out, so I put all the pj’s back and hang on to the underwear. After all, that was what I came in here for in the first place.
By now, it is all getting a bit much. I am succumbing to CONSUMER CONFUSION
Doubts creep in about the selected underwear. Do I even need it? Probably not. Is it nice? Not sure. Maybe there is better, more perfect underwear in another shop. Should I go and check?
Yes-but first a little rest would be nice.
My yoga teacher has shown us all these wonderful positions you can do when you need to recharge your batteries.
Suddenly, I have a longing to do a calming position. Zone out for a couple of minutes in a Downward Dog.
An image of my teenage daughter pops into my head. She is waving a finger at me.
‘Don’t even think about it Lady,’ she warns
‘I know, I know,’ I snap.
It’s not as if I really meant to- but a chair would be nice.
Given the average age of Marks and Spencer’s clientele, I am surprised there are not more chairs around the place. By now the bucketful of coffee I downed earlier is taking its toll on my bladder. Not only are there no chairs in this emporium, there are no loo’s either.
I locate an aisle in menswear and stash my underwear under a rack of ties, promising to return and commit the final act of purchase once I’ve found the loo.
Due to time constraints the promise is broken. Operation UNDIE REPLACEMENT has to be abandoned til another day. My ME TIME is up and I’m glad. I willingly revert back to mummy mode and scarper off to collect my boy from summer camp.